Guidance of the Month: June, 2006
Q: “What are the lessons I am meant to learn from what seems to be a deepening rift between my parents and I?”
A: You are indeed going through a difficult time, feeling the loss of the two people you believed would somehow always be there — regardless of the bad feelings which seemed more and more frequent between you. You can see this as a new chapter — a new beginning in your life – one that you needed in order to become the person you planned to be so long ago. Without this dark night of the soul in your life at this time, you would not be as likely to find in yourself the qualities you needed to develop in order to be that loving, lovable, wise, yet saddened person who will always remember the illusions of her childhood with some pain — although in time it will be more of a memory than a feeling.
You are now aligning with your heart in a healthy way, and allowing it to lead a little more often rather than refusing to hear its pleas above the din of the ego — the “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” and “musts” and all the requirements placed on yourself to be a “good person.” You are now at the beginning of the new chapter in which you will come to recognize that the only road toward happiness and peace of mind and becoming the person you have always hoped to be, both in your eyes and those of others, is to allow your heart to lead — not the ego voice that will always pronounce loudly the need for doing things perfectly and in the correct way at the proper time.
Your spirit is big, and it is only waiting to be heard by you on a daily basis so that it can begin to lead you toward the life that you have always dreamed of, but had thought unattainable. You can obtain it by focusing on being with yourself daily in a more forgiving, allowing way with no instructions, no rules. These are no longer helpful to you — they are the outdated beliefs of your childhood — the structure you clung to when everything around you looked like it would sink and fall away at any moment. You imposed rigid structure on your life long ago to protect yourself from the chaos you felt inside growing up in your parents’ home. You were sensitive and knew there was something wrong always in the home — yet often turned it inward blaming yourself and taking on too much responsibility for your age. This helped you to cope with your fears.
Now you are just beginning to examine some of these self-imposed limitations and you will need to spend time with your self just observing and wondering which beliefs about yourself and about how life “should” be at any given moment are still worth hanging on to. Which can you now safely allow to fall away?
As you begin to do so, and that is the major reason for this lesson in your life, you will begin to feel a new freedom, a lightness you have never known, and you will for the first time see that you are so much more than you ever gave yourself credit for being. So much more important to the universe in terms of just allowing yourself to be the person you planned to be in this life so many, many years ago.
Love your self always, my dear. That is the way as well as the goal.