Diane’s Blog

As you’ve probably noticed by now, these entries are getting farther and farther apart.  When I first started this blog, I thought it would consist of my jotting down some random thoughts weekly — that turned out to be unrealistic on my part.  It turns out that what wants to come out of me are short essays, and that takes more time and effort on my part than I am willing or able to give on a weekly basis. 

Thus, the once-in-a while blog is born!  At some point I guess I’ll have to have my web designer remove the “Weekly” from the top of this page, so as to not confuse.  Quality over quantity, people…

I’d like to share with you a little epiphany I had last weekend.  I started having an off-and-on pain in the upper left quadrant of my stomach — after 24 hours it had not changed.  So I did what I’ve been practicing for a couple of months now — I told my body that I’m sorry, I’m here, and I’m listening.  Having had an adversarial relationship with my body for practically my whole life, I finally got it that this needs to change in order for me to create not only better health for myself, but the sense of well-being that I want to experience at all times. 

When I receive messages via my intuition, they appear as just another thought, but I’ve learned to distinguish them from the messages that my ego sends me, which are almost always directive, often negative, forcing, and urgent.   Therefore, I knew I had a “hit” when I suddenly heard the words “Lighten Up” spoken gently. 

Well, that’s it, I thought.  Of course.  Even though I’ve tried to tell myself that I’m pretty relaxed these days, a deeper part of me knew that this wasn’t so.  I immediately began to remind myself periodically throughout the day to lighten up.  This helped a little, and indeed, the pain was gone by the next morning. 

Because I felt I needed to know more details about what was going on, I sat quietly the next afternoon and asked for guidance.  Because I am connected to my inner guidance system, and because this is what I do, I always receive an in-depth answer.  It turns out that a great deal of my anxieties about not being somehow “good enough” are still with me, and the pain that manifested did so as a reminder that this is so. 

It’s true — when I thought about it, I realized that I still have the fear that I am somehow inadequate to do the work that I am here to do.  Here’s where it gets complicated for all of us — I know intellectually that I am more than prepared and skilled.  Emotionally, however, part of me is constantly sabotaging this knowing.  This particular fear is rooted in my childhood — I am quite familiar with its origins. 

It was a reality check for me to be reminded that it is still active in my life, even though much of the time I may be unaware of it consciously.  My guidance suggested that I notice daily when I start to feed myself any sort of negative thoughts about my abilities or about how much I am “doing” since part of this fear manifests as forceful messages from my ego self that I should be doing more to prove my worth. 

The bottom line is “Stop The Should-ing!”  It’s always humbling to receive a reality check like this.  Especially because there are times when I receive the opposite message from the ego — the one that says “I am more evolved than (fill in the blank).  Our egos are funny that way — they like to keep us on quite an emotional roller coaster by informing us that we are at either one end of the spectrum or the other. 

What we seek of course, is balance — the middle point between better than and not good enough.  The process of waking up is now in full swing on this planet, and as I’m still being reminded, noticing and changing the thought patterns that no longer support us is our basic spiritual practice.

Q:  What can I do in a concrete way to give deeper meaning to a new year in which I commit myself to my higher purpose?

A:  “You can sit, and with eyes closed, picture the coming year and the events you wish to see transpire, especially as related to your higher purpose.  (NOTE: Those of you who aren’t yet clear about that purpose, ask yourself what would you like for it to be, letting go of any practical considerations)

Then picture yourself and how you wish to BE in that year — what qualities do you wish to project more, and which ones do you wish to let go of?  Write these impressions down in a way that will be a marker for you in years to come.  Keeping them in a journal is a good way to do this.  You will not only see these things unfold as they occur, but you will remember how you ushered them in this year. 

Do not forget to include your prayers and wishes for others in your life, living and dead.  You may even wish to draw a picture or create a symbol that will be a touchstone for you throughout the year, one that will evoke your intention for that year every time you gaze at it or hold it in your hand.  Remember to give a little time — a few moments — just to loving yourself and the wonderful, loving person you are now and are every day becoming. 

Never leave your love of Self out, or you will not have created a complete picture of your reality.  YOU are the center from whom all love, all creativity, all wisdom and energy that is life-supporting flows.”